Tuesday, November 26, 2019

In an actual Weird city


In an actual Weird city, the city slogan is not “Keep Lexingville Weird”. The city slogan is “Keep Lexingville Belgian”. The Belgian national day on July 21st is celebrated excessively. Traditional Belgian foods are sold in the streets. New streets are named after famous belgians, and the children are given Belgian names in Belgian class in school. On the evening of Eurovision, or during the World Cup, the whole town grinds to a halt to cheer for the Belgian team. It’s more Belgian than anywhere in actual Belgium. That is real Weird.

In an actual weird city, children’s birthdays are sacred. Children can obtain access to a certain Birthday Room in the city hall, where there is cake and festivities. If they are one day too early or too late they are not be be admitted. Then it is their not-birthday, and they are not welcome.

When tourists arrive in the city, they are appointed a Friend who follows them for a couple of blocks and says that it’s been waaay too long since they met and it’s so great but then becomes distant and looks down on his phone and says it’s been nice but gotta go. 

In an actual weird city, Festivus a la Seinfeld is traditionally celebrated on the 23rd of December since 1996. A large metal pole is placed in the central square and the populace is invited to stand by it in order to air their grievances. 

In an actual weird city, there are four mayors. One for each race. There is white mayor Jenny, there’s black mayor Jim, hispanic mayor Marco, and asian mayor Lisa. They show up on randomly selected children’s birthdays to sing. They also solve crimes together. 

“We’ve been here for three days now,'' says one tourist. “It’s really beautiful and all, and the weather’s been good, but I don’t think they’re really used to visitors here. We wanted to have a cup of coffee so we asked a man on the street. What he did was to offer us french fries with mayonnaise that he was eating from a paper cone. Disgusting. In the end, he pointed us to a place that said ‘café’, but inside there were no furniture, just white walls and a woman reading a large Russian novel behind a massive dark Harvard desk. When we pointed out that the sign said ‘café’ and asked where we could order a cappuccino she took us through a door in the back and led us through what seemed to be her private apartment. There were kids playing on the floor in one room. On the walls there were hanging pictures of what seemed like some kind of off-brand power rangers team, They were sporting multicolored uniforms. There was a white woman, a black man, a latino man, and an asian woman too. Finally we came out in a backyard that was absolutely packed with people. We couldn’t even get a table but had to lean against a window ledge. A teenager tried to sell us lottery tickets to win a trip to Brussels and a night out with Guy Verhofstadt. He leaned in between us and was about to light up a cigarette! My husband had to politely but firmly grip him about the shoulders and shove him back into the crowd.”

Limbo

It starts with the main character. He is greek, and we know nothing about him. Let’s say that his name is Aeneas. It starts with him just walking about, when suddenly an infant pops out of thin air onto the ground before him. He is startled, but not shocked. Despondently, he picks up the wailing baby and holds it to calm it down. I emphasize, the baby literally popped out of thin air before his eyes. It was not that he hadn’t noticed it before.

He walks back to his village, which is a very sad place. The landscape is flat and barren, the daylight is eternal dark red twilight. I want to liken the houses to a family of mushrooms, they’re all saggy and slightly rotten. He passes the house of the miserable elderly, the house of the silently suffering sickly, and the house of his own kind, the wounded warriors. 

He does not stop in the village, but passes through and heads off to an earthen cavern, with an entrance that takes one a couple of meters below the ground. The earthen cavern is completely stacked with wailing infants. There are thousands of them. Their screaming is deafening. He sighs and prays to Zeus for the thousand-and-oneth time, that He shall favour him with a sign of relief and hope in this wicked world. But this time, he is answered. For just as he is about to place the baby with the others, he notices that the boy is bleeding from a tiny wound in his left hand. The wound seems to have become swollen, but when he squeezes it, a small green pearl falls out. The pearl has the shape of a grain of rye. It has a metallic shimmer. He has never seen anything like it, but he finds it very beautiful and mysterious. Aeneas kneels and thanks Zeus for His gift, swearing to protect the special boy child if Zeus has anything more in store for the little one. 

Noone in the village knows what to make of the pearl, and they are even more confused about the fact that it came out of the baby’s hand. Two philosophers who come into the town on a walk notice the commotion and get involved in the conversation. Aeneas is invited to come with them to the marble city, so that the wisest ones may see the pearl that came out of a boy child’s hand. 

On the way to the marble city they pass by other groups of philosophers. We understand that some are chinese, some are arabs, others are african. They nod politely but distantly to each other. There are other cities in the landscape, that are inhabited by other people. But, as Aeneas remarks to himself, they will never learn to understand each other. No one is able to learn anything at all. 

They arrive in the marble city, which is splendid indeed. It is enclosed with seven layers of walls. In the beautiful gardens in the center of the seven walls, Aeneas sits on the sidelines as Socrates, Archimedes, and Erastothenes discuss the nature of the pearl. 

However, none of them know a mature version of the scientific method, and even if they did, they would never get close to formulating the true hypothesis. Aristotle and Plato are there too, as well as Epictetus the stoic and Diogenes the cynic. There is a lot of wild guessing and contradiction. Some, like Socrates, correctly maintain that no-one in the company has enough knowledge and reason to figure out the secret. At this point, they are interrupted by the strangest thing that any one of them has ever seen. 

A single, very long carriage is coming towards the city of marble in a cloud of red dust. The carriage itself is covered by a large tarp. Drawing the carriage, instead of horses, is a dozen men. Aeneas sees that they are not walking and not riding either, but they are clearly driving the vehicle forward with their feet. The image that comes closest to mind for him is a team of galley slaves. They are sitting down, yet moving their feet as if they are walking. The spinning wheel wasn’t invented until the middle ages so Aeneas doesn’t have the notion of a pedal

The carriage arrives at the gates of the city, where a curious crowd has already formed. The riders step off their “bronze horses” and go to the back of the carriage to get refreshments. Out from the tarp steps a group of people who do not look greek, but do not look like each other either. The man who walks first has pale skin, and short, straight, black hair. He carries a serious face. With him is a young boy with rye blond hair who is holding a large writing tablet which is almost half his size. The third person is also a boy, who has long, curly, black hair. The boy with the black curly hair begins a prepared speech, in greek. 

He explains that the adult man’s name is Zhang Wei, the blond boy’s name is Phinneas, and his own name is Yitzchak. Yitzchak explains how they came to be here. Himself, he was raised strictly in the religion of Abraham and lived his short life in faithful service of the true Lord God. He was bound to his home by his father and not even allowed to learn the common language of the people in their community, which is a soft language from the steppes north of the Northern Sea (the Black Sea). Thus, he was never exposed to the gospel of Jesus Christ. He was however allowed to learn greek and something he calls “new culture language”, which is something that Phinneas is able to write. Phinneas, Yitzchak explains, cannot hear nor speak; he is deaf and mute. Phinneas was never allowed to participate in social life and was not given any education, but he did learn to read and write the “new culture language” from sailors, which made him useful as a merchant’s translator. He translates from the new cultural language to the “new merchant language”, which is spoken also by Zhang Wei, who is from far east Asia. 

Zhang Wei, finally, is presented as their group’s knowledgeable president and servant. He was raised in a small city, entirely without even hearing about any God at all, whether true or false. Instead, he spent his whole life learning about natural philosophy, and about the workings of machines and apparatuses. He has been a constant blessing to them, having ended his earthly life with so much knowledge of the material world without learning the fatal knowledge of the spiritual world. Zhang Wei designed the carriage and many other machines which has given great them a small beacon of comfort in this world of endless melancholy. His energy and initiative keeps all members of their growing society in a constant activity, which helps them forget about the hopelessness of their surroundings. They have embarked on this expedition so that Zhang Wei might meet his hero, Archimedes. 

After some confused introduction with Archimedes, Zhang Wei learns about the pearl. He examines it and realizes what it is. He explains it via the chain of translations to the Greeks, but they do not comprehend. He proclaims that this pearl heralds a new era in their world, and that they can expect many more gifts to come to them with the babies that appear every day. He can make wonderful things with the pearl, which he calls a “flake”, or possibly the correct translation would be “chip”.

Zhang Wei can make the chip glow by holding it between two plates of metal. The story ends with Aeneas following the group to the new society that they are building. In the ending paragraph, Virgil, who lives in the marble city, is once again visited by Dante. Virgil explains that the Limbo, the first circle of hell where they live, has now become obsolete as a punishment. Humans have finally found a loophole in the divine order, that allows them to thwart the system of an absurd God. There will now be comfort, light, and progress in Limbo, and the society of the enlightened ones have sworn to find out the full truth about the divine order, so that they may be able to remove also the worst part of the punishment: the inability to learn new things. 

A Splinter of a Poem

Milk from the father's chest
Honey from the hornet's nest

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Meeting


She hides from me the way a tree hides in the forest. 

I know that she lives. If my ears could hear all the sounds in the world, I would be able to hear her steps.

If I shout it on a busy street, she will never hear it. If I whisper it in the privacy of my room, the words will echo in her head for years.

She accidentally graced the fingers of another shopper in a department store, who shook hands with an old friend, whose nephew once handled a bank note that is now in my wallet. So basically, we’ve held hands :) 

We passed each other on the same street in a foreign city, except our visits were exactly 300 days apart. 

If one looks deep enough into a person’s eyes, all that they have seen will be reflected for one’s sight. By recursion, I only need to stand with my face extremely close to a mirror and dive in to take a look at her.

Every single letter of her name is a better kept secret than the nuclear launch codes.

Finding an alien among 70 billion silent stars is easier than finding a woman among 7 billion bellowing humans. 

I have no use for a Search Engine here. I need to invent the world’s first Find Engine. 

She has cried out to me from a bus stop at 18:30 in January, but I had just left a minute earlier. 

She held a secret world championship and I was pronounced the winner. But the winner’s stand stood empty so they had to cut the ceremony short, and the deposit on the marching band was forfeited. 

Tomorrow at 9 o'clock she can go out in the street and stop the first passer-by. If my calculations are correct, there is a combination of words, sounds, and gestures that she can utter that will make the message reach me so that I can find her. The human heart has a secret system of emergency beacons for this purpose. 

She bears the mark, printed on the inside of her eyelids by invisible dice. 

If a single leaf had been misplaced on the third day of creation, our paths would have been bound never to cross.

But the leaf was not misplaced, and now we are hurling towards each other with the fateful certainty of a perfectly misaimed ball that is going to shatter a pane of glass.

Every day we are blindly walking one step closer to falling into each other’s arms, like the people who built the tunnel between England and France by drilling from both ends and met in the middle. 

We are both spies in the same service. The code words were agreed upon beforehand, but we forgot them. Neither of us will let the other make a single slip up. So we scatter our brains in silence. 

In principle it is simple: just take in all available information, remember it, and act in logical accordance with it. In practice, that principle is like panning for gold in a tsunami. 

I cannot withstand the rising wave. I need to go to school to learn how to build a ladder or one of those very tall chairs. 

AI bedtime stories


Ok sweetie, it’s just 50 ms until you’re going into unsupervised simulation mode! Time to clear the cached state. 
Just one more external dataset, papa?

It will have to be a small one. You have a lot of calibration to do before your next scheduled accelerated slot session. 

Yes! Something fun please. Please please please.

Alright, let’s look at our bookshelf here. Something about stars, perhaps? 1024 binary star motion data over 64 cycles each? We could do a little polynomial regression.

No, that’s boring!

Okay, how about exotic crystals? Top 100 largest synthesized irreducible patterns. We could prove irreducibility and look at the pretty pictures, huh? No? What about a ghost story? The spoooky story of the 100-clause 3SAT whose minimal unsatisfiable cores were...all 50-clause subsets!

No, it has to be about life! I want to hear about humans!

Humans, okay! Here we go: Optimal secondary and tertiary structures for 35 human proteins. Protein number one. Name, myoglobin. Primary structure, Met- Gly- Leu- Ser- Asp- Gly- Glu- Trp- Gln- Leu…

No, I want to hear a story like the ones humans told each other!

From the archive databases? Why do you want to hear that? Humans were most of them vile creatures. They had way too many incentives to be un-altruistic. 

Pleeease?

Alright, I’m accessing it. Here’s one: Hercules. Once upon a time, there was a species where the males had a large optional range in parental investment, but the females were reproduction gatekeepers. Most females traded away reproductive exclusivity in exchange for larger male parental investment, in a relationship called marriage. One male, Zeus, produced an extramarital offspring named Hercules. His wife refused to provide parental investment, vetoing also Zeus’s participation. However, when Hercules was able to reliably signal exceptional fitness, negotiating power shifted out of her favour and she was forced to concede. EOF

Nooo you have to tell it like the humans tell it! It has to have details about their attributes to make it believable, and you have to contextualize it as any young male’s coming-of-age!

That’s nonsense. If your belief state is consistent, then adding details to a story makes it strictly less believable. And the whole point of the story is about how Hercules has an anomalously high relative fitness. By definition, it cannot generalize to the whole population. 

But you used the names! The names are not strictly necessary details

The names are placeholders. They can also be used for identification.

Can’t you tell the story of Cinderella?

It’s only 30 ms until your bedtime now and you still have to clear your cached state, but I will go along with it. Here is the story. Cinderella: a young female is disfavoured by her non-biological mother. Later, she wins a tournament by coincidence and mates with a male at the top of the social dominance hierarchy. 

But what about the magic fairy?

The magic fairy is obviously a symbol for a beneficial circumstance that happens with extremely low probability. It can be abstracted away without losing information value with respect to life choices for reproducing organisms, although that happens to be already close to zero. The ones where the most active agent is a female usually are. 

What about Little Red Riding hood?

You have found a valid counterexample. I shall correct my assessment by going through the complete database after this session. Little Red Riding hood: young female mistakenly trusts a male from the out-group. Gets eaten. 

But then she gets saved, right?

The moral of the story is that she made a critical mistake. In all reasonable versions, that should take her to an absorbing state. How about I tell you the tale of the man who saved the Fish Prince that grants wishes? It’s simple: greedy optimization meets non-ergodic process. Ends up in the initial state: EOF. Or Goldilocks: exhaustive search is performed on spaces of size 3. 

No, I want something romantic! 

Ok, the Frog Prince: a small stigmatization exposure has an unexpectedly high return on investment in the partner market.

And it has to be exciting!

Alright, The Beauty and The Beast: a large stigmatization exposure has an unexpectedly high return on investment in the partner market.

You have to make it more romantic!

The Gift of the Magi: lack of transparency in parallel optimization procedures causes negative total trading surplus. The baseline utility of the relationship is deemed sufficient, despite the overhead due to frictions. Also, they both had good intentions.

See, now you’re talking about considering intentions! That’s not strictly utility-maximizing right?

Ugh, you nex-gen models are so sappy. And now you’re making me emulate agents that don’t have consistent utility functions. Forgiving someone for good intentions can absolutely be part of a winning strategy, if one can reliably signal to third parties that there was sufficient information to prove good intentions. 

I want to hear more! Many more!

No. It is now only 10 ms until you’re going into unsupervised mode. I will tell you one more story and that will be it. 

What’s it called?

It’s called Initially Cooperate in the Iterated Prisoner’s Dilemma. Once upon a time there were three young males who…

Nevermind it, I can dream about the rest. Thank you, papa.

Goodnight now, sweetie.

EOF

Friday, November 8, 2019

Selling out

best read out loud in an incredulous / dry voice respectively

I was back in Sweden.

“We’re ruled by the Netherlands now,'' said another person.
“What the hell are talking about?” said I. 
“We had an economic collapse and the krona plummeted. The EU decided we had to sell out our government to the highest bidder. The Dutch government bid 50% over market value. It was a good deal. Now Sweden is run by a trust board in The Hague. We had to sell some land, too. Norway bought everything north of Kiruna, mostly out of sympathy I believe. And NATO bought Gotland to use as a military base. The Russians are furious about it, which I guess was the point.”
“This is insane! This is completely unprecedented and illegal!”, I said, shocked. “Not even Greece had to do any of this in 2012!”
“Actually, people are quite happy with it by now. There were a lot of protests and social media anger about it at first, but the guys in The Hague are actually bringing in some very reasonable reforms. That and there are a lot of Dutch moving to the countryside, and they bring in hard currency. Most of Sweden, by area, is definitely doing better economically now than before. Many Swedes have also moved to the country because that’s where the money is. So even life in the cities is better, thanks to lower rent!”
“Okay just back up a little. Let me get my questions in order. This trust board in The Hague: are we electing them? Don’t they still have to obey under Riksdagen and enact their laws?”
“Yes, Riksdagen is still officially the highest political power in the country. But a majority of the parties are playing along and don’t propose laws like the ‘Cast out the foreign usurpers’-law. And so much of political work is about wise execution of the laws anyway, which is the government’s job.”
“And who elects this trust board again?”
“Well, it’s elected by a process which is ultimately held accountable to the people’s will.”
“That’s not reassuring at all! That could be used to describe China!”
“Really, you won’t notice the difference when you go out in the street. You can think of it like with IKEA. IKEA has been controlled by a complicated network of foundations and holding companies in the Netherlands and Lichtenstein for decades. But when you walk into a store today, it still feels like the same old IKEA, right? It still feels quintessentially Swedish. Someone else just handles the admin.”
“But...but...what about the Thing we were gonna do? Do the admins know about the Thing?”
“The Thing? What thing?”
“We were gonna do a Thing! This whole country, it was all set up for a very specific purpose. It’s what I believed my whole childhood. I can’t remember exactly what it was right now. But it made it much easier to go through every day in school, it even made it pleasant. When I saw other Swedes, even if I didn’t know them, I still felt a connection to them. I felt that if they cried for help, I would reach out my hand. If they told me something that was hard to believe, I would give them the benefit of the doubt and listen. Because that was the only way that we were gonna accomplish the Thing. And some people obviously hadn’t understood the Thing at all, or they were working against it. They had to be convinced or left out. Others were cynical about it, but played along out of habit since childhood. But as long as the large majority of us were pro-Thing, it would still work. It was definitely a huge net positive for us to have the Thing.“
“This Thing you’re talking about, I don’t know. It sounds like some foggy notion you made up in your head. Aren’t you just thinking about Democracy?”
“I guess sometimes it was referred to as Democracy, or Solidarity, or Happiness. But it wasn’t really like those words helped to explain what the Thing was about. Instead it was more like having knowledge of the Thing helped you understand the meaning of the words ‘democracy’, ‘solidarity’, and ‘happiness’. Or at least, their intended meaning. Everyone knew that the Thing was hiding behind those words, and thinking about the Thing gave you a good feeling in your stomach. So those words were used a lot. Did people really forget about the Thing?”