Simpletown

A short riddle story I wrote, called Simpletown. The purpose is to guess the true name and purpose of "Simpletown".

Mr. Jones lives in Simpletown, which has about 100 000 inhabitants. In the morning, he gets up at 06:00 and sits down to have his coffee and oatmeal. Before starting breakfast, he takes a small round plate of crystal glass from his freezer. He holds it in his mouth for a few seconds, and then puts it back in the freezer onto a tray with other plates. After breakfast, he must ride his bicycle to work. His wife, Mrs. Jones, must walk. Their neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Berke, drive a car. When he arrives in his office at 09:00, Mr. Jones places his briefcase under his standing desk. About 10% of his coworkers use standing desks, and have been doing so for about 10 years.

At 11:50, Mr. Jones goes down to the cafeteria for lunch. As today is Thursday, he must choose the vegetarian option. He is supposed to meet Mr. Peters. He spots him a few meters away, and calls on him. The man however, does not recognize him. The man looks just like Mr. Peters, down to the birthmarks. Oh well, happens every now and then in Simpletown. Eventually, Mr. Jones does find Mr. Peters and they sit down together. At 12:00 exactly, a short musical tune is played in the loudspeakers in the cafeteria. Everyone takes a small plate of glass and puts in their mouth at the start of a second tune. They hold it there for as long as the tune plays. After lunch, Mr. Peters must run 5 kilometers. Mr. Jones must lie down and read the newspaper. Everyone leaves work at 17:00, except 50 of their colleagues who must leave at 18:00. To compensate, they arrive at work at 10:00.

Mr. Jones arrives home at the same time as his wife. They cook dinner carefully from a recipe. Before eating, they say prayers while holding another glass plate in their mouths. After dinner, Mr. Jones must call his mother for 30 minutes, as is his daily routine. Mrs. Jones must engage in friendly conversation for 30 minutes with their next door neighbor, Mrs. Berke. Mrs. Berke looks exactly like Mrs. Jones, down to the birthmarks. This is unfortunate as it causes confusion for Mr. Jones and Mr. Berke, but it cannot always be avoided in Simpletown. Mrs. Jones must also run 5 kilometers, read for 30 minutes, and listen to classical music for 1 hour while relaxing on the sofa. She has a full evening.

Mr Jones however, has to do none of those things, as he has a very important bi-weekly appointment at 20:00. He must go to see his confessor. The purpose of seeing the confessor is two-fold. First, Mr. Jones must carefully retell all that has happened to him since his last confession. He must also recount his experience of it: did he feel energetic? Did he sleep well? Had he been ill? This is the confession part. Secondly, there is the repentance part. Mr. Jones is given careful directives from his confessor as what to change in his behavior until the next appointment. He is given a small slip of paper. On today’s paper, it says:
- Do not read the newspaper during lunch time. Instead, run 5 km.
- Eat one candy bar every evening one half hour before dinner.
- Go to sleep at 23:00 every evening.
- Drink decaffeinated coffee for breakfast.
- Watch television for one half hour before going to sleep.
Mr. Jones looks at the slip with a sigh. He always gets in a bad mood later in the evening when eating a candy bar after dinner. He tells his confessor so. The confessor says he can make no comment to his recommendation, as usual.

The last part of the confession is the very important Sacrament. First, Mr. Jones is given a round plate of glass, with a single drop of blood on it. He must lick the plate carefully so that no blood remains on the glass. He gives the plate back to the confessor. Secondly, he is given a clear plate with no blood on it, as well as a small needle.Mr. Jones hands back the second plate, with a drop of his own blood on it. He also hands over all the glass plates he has collected since his last confession. He exits the confession house, and starts walking home.

“Tomorrow is my wife’s confession day” he thinks to himself “I hope that she also has to watch TV before sleep, so we can watch together”.

What is the true name of Simpletown? A hint is that one need only to replace a single letter in “simpletown” to get the right answer.